Quizzically Speaking

Please note: This "quiz" is solely intended for entertainment value. It is not a "real" quiz and was not intended to be used as educational material under any circumstances.

The freedom to keep and bear arms is important to responsible citizens because:

A: Homeland Security may need guns to shoot down hijacked planes full of civilians
B: The Bad Guys have big guns: without arms, we'd be forced to call them Good Guys
C: Gun permits and hunting licenses are a dandy way to augment state revenues
D: Dialing 911 is like playing a state-run lottery with life or death consequences

Government interference in medicine has which of these social and economic effects:

A: Discouraging choices based on individual decisions and personal preference
B: Encouraging decisions based on collective choices or political preference
C: Medical costs and bureaucratic requirements spiraling out of control
D: A competitive, innovative, diverse, affordable, and efficient medical marketplace

Drug laws protect individuals from which of the following:

A: Drug users and drug suppliers
B: A black market thriving under the influence of prohibition
C: Self-medication
D: Unapproved drugs

The War on Drugs infringes on the liberties of whom amongst the following:

A: Drug users and addicts
B: Patients and physicians
C: Drug peddlers and drug runners
D: Pharmaceuticals lobbyists

Tax dollars provide funds for federal agencies and penitentiaries to protect us from:

A: Tax evaders and conscientious tax objectors
B: Tax collectors and law enforcers that confiscate our wages and property
C: People who incorrectly fill out tax forms
D: IRS clerks that give incorrect answers when asked how to correctly fill out tax forms

Suspicious deaths or mysterious disappearances are most likely due to:

A: Political cover-ups
B: Drug turf wars
C: Victim disarmament
D: BATF Agents
E: Medical error
F: Political dissent

Missing children may most often be attributed to:

A: DSS agents
B: Government schools
C: "Deadbeat dads"
D: The draft or voluntary enlistment
E: "Pedophile priests"
F: Internships in Washington, DC

Terrorism threatens Americans for what reason(s):

A: Orange alerts
B: The US government uses bombs to secure previously unsecured homelands
C: Terrorists detest our freedoms
D: Terrorists hate our government

Zero tolerance applies to:

A: Imaginative children pointing fingers and saying "bang, bang" on playgrounds
B: Politicians wagging fingers at imaginary WMD's, and dropping big bang bangs
B: Cigarette smokers, anywhere near public property
D: Presidential smokescreens, anywhere around Election Day

Marriage is a civil and religious institution, sanctified by:

A: Government license, pending blood test results
B: Consenting parties, pending parental approval
C: Parental approval, pending consenting parties
D: Blood test results, pending God and/or genetics
E: Wedding vows and a freely made commitment to honor them
E: A majority interest of the above, and a willing minister or justice of the peace
F: (For curmudgeon use only) "Butt out, sanctimonious busybodies"

Public education is an essential social institution because:

A: It's pre-paid with no refunds allowed, and an education is mandatory
B: It's a convenient way to marinate young minds in state-approved doctrine
C: If people were free to educate as they pleased, we'd have educational anarchy
D: 12 years in a formative institution is a small down payment on life in a free society

Government protection takes which of the following forms:

A: Government protects me from me
B: Government protects me from you (but I'm too polite to say so)
C: Government protects you from you
D: Government protects you from me (but you're too polite to say so)
E: Government protects us both by supposing we're terrorists until proven innocent
F: Government protects itself from us (and it would be impolite for us to say so)

Quizzes are supposed to have scores: OK. 0 points for not amused or provoked in the least
5 points for each smile or frown
10 points for each chuckle or snicker
20 points for each genuine LOL or delete-worthy expletive
25 points for forwarding this quiz to the one person you know who would most enjoy it
-25 points for forwarding it to anyone likely to send hate mail to writer or publisher
50 points for ROTFLMAO
-50 points for calling the TIPS line to report suspicious political proclivities

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